First post in 2013.

#1468

So ironic that this is my first post in 2013.
It's gonna be a long post I think.

What I remember the most in earlier part of this year is that, "I can't wait to graduate from year2", and now eventually I am. How do I feel? Somehow, having this drastic change in mood.

Starting from January, everyday was like hell. Because there's too much to be done, and because I slacked too much during the earlier part of my project, I struggled like hell at the end. Well, I guess you won't feel the urgency of things until at the last minute, likewise for me. So actually it was a month that I've never been so busy with in my entire life. Come to think of it, I seriously wonder how I survived after all those shit.

1st week of the project (part2), I'm already struggling and kept making changes that can't be finalized, no work is perfect though, so I kept changing like nobody's business. It's like the moment I think I can finalize it, the next day I'll be changing it again. Somehow I felt that lecturer wasn't as helping because of their harsh words and all that and made me felt so un-worthy. My brain just kept telling me to give up, and give up, and I wasn't so sure how many times I've cried because of this frustration that's going on for days. When I somehow finalized it, because of a detail part I've to change and change and change, I think I changed for like at least 10 times before I really submit the final one. This is horrible.

Everyone has their own opinions and it's hard to satisfy all of the three lecturers, you listen to one and you offend the other two. Life's hard.

2nd week of the project was quite, well slack because I was doing some technical drawing with my friends, well at the same pace at least. What is technical drawing? Well, just some drawing with lots of information in black and white that layman doesn't understands. I thought it was easy because this time round we can use computer instead of manual drawing, how would I know I have problem with my drains. YES DRAIN, LANG GAO. Because my drain was too deep, it's too dangerous and somehow have to reconnect the whole thing and re-calculate. It's also horrible.

Another thing, because I kept changing so whatever new things I've changed I've to update the old ones and it was a pain. I remember myself coloring a paper for at least three times before the final one. Well, I say, changes can really kill you instantly.

The most frustrating thing was actually...
A detail.
What is that? For example a door, you've to decide the sizes, the material etc, and how they are connected/fixed.
Because I kept changing my detail, it also result into changing my other things that I've updated, so changes and changes like they're never ending. The worst part was, there's this week that I kept thinking about the same detail and I cannot make a breakthrough in the design. The moment I settled it, lecturers think it isn't good and changes again. Until I was so frustrated that, I changed the entire detail into something else which is somehow like a door with plants, all thanks to my friends that were helping me, otherwise I would have died while presenting. Because of this last minute change, AGAIN I have to change other things again, so horrible. The story doesn't end here, because I have to draw a section of my detail, I totally have no idea how to draw, like seriously. Because I didn't do before, there wasn't any answers in lecture notes, neither did my friends, so I had to resort to... some not close friend for help. I remember it was a Friday/Saturday midnight, I was there thinking how to draw the whole damn thing and my friends couldn't understand what the other friend was drawing. So I sat there inside my room, drawing and drawing to understand whatever shit it is and try to draw mine. That process was horrible, seriously horrible, like I've never been so 'brain-storming' before. The moment I start to make some logic out of it, and it seemed so correct. So the Monday, I quickly let my lecturer check, and it was good that it didn't really change a lot, which means I was right, so I was happy that my brain has finally some usage.

3rd week, getting the final touches ready before I start to draw the sketches of my spaces. The most annoying thing was that, you've to redraw those spaces, very very irritating and I didn't had enough time. So, my sketches were kind of ... well. Again, because of time I decided to just skip the powerpoint presentation and just use my boards to present because we have to make a presentation board of A1 size. It was a Thursday that I went to school early in the morning before anybody comes and collect my scanning because I left it inside the school's PC and without it I cannot start my boards. From that morning when I reached home, I started doing all those stupid boards and even... didn't sleep the whole night just to finish those boards and get them printed. Really, I didn't even sleep during the night, all thanks to power nap during the afternoon and starbucks coffee that kept me awake throughout the whole midnight even my parents were worried that I didn't sleep and I still have to go back to school the next morning. Also, throughout the whole midnight, I was there doing the boards and talk with my friend via LINE, so as to keep each other awake and just ask any questions. That night was ... horrible, and I remember I finished at around 6.30am in the morning just before my brother left for school.

Then there's this trouble and a lot of things that went wrong...
Every submission, without fail there's people asking you to help them print their things because they couldn't finish. And when they ask you to help them, it's bad to decline and they will just keep stalling your time = waste time to wait for them. They will just keep saying, giving them another 5 minutes and they will be done. Which is totally wrong, because they ain't done, so another 5 minutes and 5 minutes. In order to prevent this situation, and normally I will just be angry and can do nothing, I decided to go Hougang and met my friends there and do printing together, so I won't be in class and they won't ask me to help them. But who knows that printing at Hougang gave me a big problem? The color of my boards were off, it was extremely ugly, and each board cost $12, I have 3 so it's $36, same for my other two friend. We ain't satisfied with this kind of ugly presentation, afterall we are only left with our boards for presentation so it can't be ugly. There's three of us including me, standing there, being angry and neither of us dare to tell the printing person (he's a china), until I really can't tolerate this kind of nonsense that I kind of quarrelled with that printing person, pointing out the color issue and he still dare to question me why I never say earlier. I'm like how am I suppose to say earlier when he's helping others to print.. So in the end, I'm very angry and asked, "so now what you want to do? You cannot expect me to pay when it's your printer problem and you already say that it's really our printer problem, and it wasn't our fault". So he DIAM DIAM and continue to help people and don't want to settle our issues. At that time, it's going to be 2pm and submission is at 5pm, we still need to go Bugis to re-print and get back to school to print other stuff. Yes, we were truly impatient until I asked him again "now you keep quiet for? so how you want to settle this, we cannot be paying this board for the kind of quality and it's your printer fault". And now, everybody in the shop stared at me, at least there were 5 strangers. In the end, he said those boards nevermind which my friends and I thought that we don't need to pay, and good we rushed from the top floor all the way to the taxi stand to get to bugis. There's no taxi at the taxi stand and I decided that we should go the main road, yes due to my power and fast reaction, I managed to get a cab at the opposite lane which meant that we have to run to the cab. Reached Bugis at around 2:30pm, saw the printing and not that bad, but it's darker, better than lighter. However we left the printing at around 3:30pm, and it was so hard to get cab back to school, until I damn power walk on the road and finally there's a cab that's willing to take us back to SP. Reached SP, lots of things to do, and I have 4 CD(s) to burn, it was crazy and we left the studio at 4:30 to the submission venue at some crazy hill. When I reached there, I couldn't find some of my drawings and it's like 4:50pm, submission at 5pm, so I rushed back to the studio grabbed my papers, and on the way back to the studio I almost died from exhaustion to the extent that I believe I black out for a second until some 'not so close' friend grabbed me and kind of pulled me back to the submission venue. I don't remember myself putting any of my things on the table for chopping, I just sat there on the floor, panting and crying, with my face red like chilli that made the whole class terrified. When I finally stood up, I was sure that my head was spinning, and I was offered any food and water, and now my face was as white as paper, again getting the whole class terrified, lecturers and my friends worried. I sat there for like another 20 minutes and make sure I was well enough to go home, but according to my friends my face was still that white when I left the submission venue. After the whole submission thing, I couldn't remember any single thing. I even got my friend in trouble because her disc wasn't inside that she had to use her thumbdrive first, and in the end the disc was in another computer. Long story.

Following week was presentation week.
That's when I got angry and annoyed again.
Because I see lots of people copying my design that I've done for previous submission.
Won't you get angry when people copying you without your knowledge?
Then my friend was like, "eh a lot people copied your design"
Seriously annoyed.
During the day that I was to give presentation, I was nervous like... I don't know what to do.
Because I have the record of crying, and I don't want to repeat again.
It's kind of like a phobia that I scared to present to them.
So during my turn, my friend said "people are going to copy your door design after you present, especially.."
Literally sian, the whole day.
Halfway through my presentation, lecturer suddenly just stood up and shouted at someone for being too noisy. Me too, went quiet at the same time, somehow I just blanked out until I looked at my "sister's" face and she mouthed "continue". Thank god. This time round, they didn't really shoot me, instead I was being congratulated. My mood, instantly went up.

Following the presentation was marketing portfolio and project profile submission on a Friday just before CNY EVE. DAFUQ RIGHT, I KNOW. Because of miscommunication, there's understandings around like when is the dateline for both work and etc that got people crazy. And how would we know there's a new submission like a group reflection, well this lecturer always give last minute submission, and because of this one of my classmate (the one who pulled me to the submission venue and saved my 'life') went crazy and shoot back at that lecturer. I can feel the shooting between lecturer and my classmate, even my friends sensed that. How can you talk back to a lecturer in an awful manner in front of the whole class?

That Friday, there's lot of things to do, went early to studio before another lesson to get editing done. After that there's this SIP project presentation which I don't think I've done well, well I don't really care about that just hoping it won't pull me down. Later, rushed to printing room to get printing done, I was lucky enough that I was able to print mine, and my friends couldn't so that got no choice but one of them had to leave school and print. And by right we have a class lunch at 3pm, and also we got to clear our workdesk that day, so I told my Dad to wait for me at Dover at 4pm, who knew that he reached at around 3plus to 3.30pm, obviously I couldn't let him wait so long and still after 3pm the class lunch was there. This stupid class lunch, was said cancelled and on-going and cancelled, so confusing so in the end my clique all skipped the class lunch and apparently the organizer (another classmate) got angry because we didn't stay behind. Well, it's not like we have a lot of time to stay back just one stupid class lunch when it's supposed to start at 3pm and 3.30pm it didn't even start. By the way, it was pouring so heavily that architecture studio got flooded, it's crazy. After meeting my Dad at Dover, I headed straight to town to get CNY clothes, yes I was so busy that I'm still shopping just before CNY EVE. Perhaps because it's a Friday, the fitting room was crazy and I think I waited for like at least 20mins? From forever21>H&M>Lot1 Cotton On(Because the queue was so long...)>IMM's Cotton On (I'm crazy, I got my shorts but couldn't get my bracelet so...)>Lot1's Cotton On>Home.

CNY EVE, spent the whole morning sleeping, because I wasn't getting enough sleep during those stupid submission period. Also, catch up on some shows that I missed during the project period, had steamboat at 6pm. I wondered how many hotdogs I ate.

CNY Day 1, spent the morning with Mcdonald's breakfast, went up to Uncle's house later than previous years. Spent the whole afternoon watching Mahjong, drinking wine and some weird little bottles of alcohol from Germany. And so was my face, going from normal to red to normal to red again....

CNY Day 2, don't remember anything........CNY Day 3, don't remember....
CNY Day 4, mahjong and lost quite a lot of money but with ang baos, actually it's okay. So that day, went back and study for my test for the next day and I was there sitting in my room talking to myself, until 2am?
CNY Day 5, was pretty confident for the test, my friends were revising from Dover to studio while I'm just walking normally. The moment I saw those MCQ questions, I thought I was gonna die because whatever the lecturer told us to studied didn't come out in MCQ quesitions so I didn't study my MCQ. So I could only guess the answers.................. At the end of the test, each of us got a red velvet cupcake from grandma lecturer from craving paradise when PEOPLE KEPT INSISTING THAT IT'S FROM 12CUPCAKES, see, lose your face the moment that I found out it's craving paradise? -.-

Also, that day, I was so angry in the morning.
Because we were to ... go korean BBQ after test to ctelebrate friend's birthday. She didn't told us she wasn't going until my friend asked and she said she got some family problem. Like I don't have any. But still went to Bugis, had pasta mania, walked around Bugis and went to Artfriend to get some screws and then we saw the Korean BBQ restaurant that we wanted to go = more angry.

That weekend, supposed to do a group reflection video but in the end because I'm so lazy, everything dumped to my leader(aka dasao) and she completed the whole thing with awesome effects. Monday, after submitting the journals and all that, it was the reflection thingy and etc..... Rushed home to get Karen's and Joleen's present and passed them to Karen. Home, and I collapsed on bed? Or.... don't know.

PS: too tired to update further. well, just school and lots of resting. 

TODAY
Suppose to go back school and bring back all my work. But in the morning, I don't feel like waking up and almost left home without the bag that I'm suppose to put my journals inside. I was secretly wishing that they will retain my work, but I can't show it to my friends. Went to school earlier to get things printed & etc. The moment I stepped into the studio, my classmate told me my things got retained, OBVIOUSLY I WAS SO HAPPY RIGHT. Because being retained meaning, it's good, well done, etc. But then until I saw some of other people whose work also got retained..... I kept telling myself that they retained mine because mine was good not the other way round. Until I was about to leave, I saw my work getting pinned up on the wall. I WAS SO TOUCHED. Like all those struggles I had and those efforts kind of paid off. Because by having your work pinned up meaning it's like examples to other people, obviously only good works gets pinned up! So I was smiling secretly, couldn't show my friends that I was so happy.... I don't know what my friends think about having my work kept in school... Certainly some did better than me but... I cannot show off to them, it's not good. WELL, I WAS HONESTLY DAMN HAPPY THAT I WENT AROUND SHARING MY JOY & you're one of them.

Maybe because... Never in my life, my work got pinned up or considered that good.
And also, never in my life I've done so well.
So funny when primary and secondary school were supposed to be easier... But my results during those times were awful that I even got 6 D7s for EOY sec3.
Now that I'm doing well, I'm amazed by myself too.