Friend C

#1470

Today is awesome for sleeping.
It was raining so heavily that the sound woke me up from my sleep but I managed to continue sleeping.
Other than being awesome for sleeping, today is also a bad day with me losing anger.
WHY?
Because I just can't understand how people think.

Alright, I don't know whether you'll ever be able to find this blog, but still I'm going to talk bout` it here.
Ages ago, my polymates or rather my clique is planning for a gathering just before the internship, because there's half of us going first and the other half goes later, we won't be able to see each other for months until Semester 2(September), 6 months I think?

So, using this excuse to get everybody out of their house and just visit Korean BBQ restaurant. This was first mentioned last year, quite a few months ago. So when this topic came out, everybody's okay. And you are the first to say 'okay'. So fine, everybody okay and like 'discuss this when it's nearer'.

(Remember everybody's okay).

So, it was suppose to be this week that we're going for Korean BBQ.
THIS WEEK.
Nothing's planned and nobody reply.
I am sure those are sms-ing in between themselves asking whether each other is going.
This kind of thing, everyone knows even without thinking.
A post was posted on facebook group wall asking when's the date and how, etc, last night.
Almost 24hours, there's still no reply.

(Back track to a few weeks ago).
There's this test just right after the first few days of CNY, actually we are going to eat right after the test. So that morning, friend A asked friend friend C whether's she's okay with it.

Friend C walking side by side with friend A.
Friend A: so later the BBQ you okay?
Friend C: I cannot go, I got some family matters.
I was walking side by side with friend B, then friend A looked at me, I see those flames. 
Me: Oh.

I couldn't bring myself to say something else. I can feel the matrix green rays along the the path, and I believe two people, friend A and my brain were suffering mental breakdown. This, which immediately brings me to the thought that friend B asked me that few days ago whether the BBQ was still on-going. Alright, I should had notice bout` it.

So with hand signals, I told friend A to ask friend B whether she's going while I walk along with friend C, fuming. I should had, half guessed friend B isn't going because friend C isn't. Since they live near to each other, automatically making them 'buddies'. One doesn't go, the other won't too.

The rest of the walk to class for test was awkward, immediately telling friend D that friend C isn't going, and again suffering another mental breakdown. There's not much time to plan and we just went in for test, this had surely affected my mood during test.. When I finished my paper, I glanced around seeing friend A-D were still writing, so there's really no point for me to submit and go out of class. So I waited while, contemplating my answers. I left when some of them left, and to my surprise, friend C can still talk bout` the answers happily instead of the talking bout` the stupid BBQ thing. Yes, it's natural to talk bout` test right after it, but in my heart I'm thinking 'BBQ BBQ, BBQ'. Because nobody wants to talk bout` it, we dragged and dragged and dragged.

Another thing that happened was...
Grandma lecturer order some cupcakes, red velvet for us, well for Valentine's Day.
Yes, it was nice but the moment friend C insisted that it was from 12cupcakes, I totally...
I was so damn sure that it wasn't from 12cupcakes, judging from the packaging. Because noway 12cupcakes will put those cupcakes in a plain white box, without their logo. I'm there thinking, 'can't you use your brain and think how much each cupcake's worth from 12cupcakes and think will the lecturer buy from them when there's so many others out there, cheaper'.

So in the end, we went to pasta mania, without friend B and C.
Thanks friend C.
When we saw the Korean BBQ branch at Bras Basah(?) we were fed up.
Thanks friend C.

Later, we mentioned that, we will be going this week since we couldn't go during that test day.
Which brings to the facebook post.
Continuing from the facebook post, till now there's no replies right so friend A started messaging them individually and friend B replied that she's going her grandma house, and asked when.
The moment I know one of them replied like that, I knew they won't be coming again, and there's no point persuading them to go with us anymore. Since friend B said like this, I don't think friend C will be going too. When worst, there's a bigger 'a few clique gathering' next week, since this two won't be joining us, how the hell they go next week? Again, they said okay to the person that's organizing. Well done, you two.

So the moral of the story is that, why agree when in the end you ain't going? Is this called, telling lies or not keeping promise, I seriously wonder.
You're the first to say okay and in the end ...
I'm not angry that you can't go, I'm angry at why are you doing this.
Telling us that you can't go on the day itself, after somebody asked you face to face, so you meant that you're not telling us if we didn't ask? Is this some moral issue or what, what can't you tell us yourself, like we are the ones forcing you to go. No we ain't, we didn't force and you said okay yourself, so why?

Another thing that I'm angry bout` you is that, for two years your birthday present, why is it that you never use at all or perhaps only once that didn't even last a few days? First year, we got you a tote bag with kittens and you like kittens ain't you, so why ain't you using? Second year, we got you nail polish, purple colors, your favourite color and why ain't you using? What, it's your favourite things and whatever you like and you don't want to use, so meaning are you going to just use whatever your mum buys you? Then wearing some silly laces and weird big flower patterns to school that supposed to be worn by women in their 50s? If you ain't gonna start looking at whatever you're using, that's not suitable for your age then how are you going to survive other people's criticism or perhaps everyone's looking at you on the street. Till how long you're going to use whatever your mum buys? Yes, using whatever your mum buy is good, so you ain't wasting any money. But, you can't be wearing them forever and having weird tastes forever.

I'm also, disappointed in friend B.
For how many times, you said you doted me the most, yes I see how and you meant it. But why you're doing this too? If friend C isn't going and you ain't going, what is this, leaving us three people to eat? When they too, ain't gonna see you for months. It isn't like, we're asking you to come to the west to eat, and neither we can go to the east because we stay in the west. I don't know.

I was so, irritated that I don't even feel like giving birthday wishes to friend C.
She's having hers today.
In the end, I still did. Half heartedly.

Conclusion, I'm not going to persuade you the moment you say you ain't going. Likewise, for everybody.
I see no point in persuading, going against another's will.
Neither do I want to force you or others.
People may see me, not trying but I know if you say no, then it's gonna be no.
It takes effort to change a no to yes, and I'm the one that's going to put in that effort, definitely not me.
Still no reply, then we shall go ahead with the plan, and see you months later as you two wish.
Well, I think I don't even want to see you anymore after all the weird anger that you released on us.
Did I mention I was scolded by friend C, just for laughing at her?
It's not like I'm the only one laughing.

The story goes..
There's this day, we were joking while doing our own work in studio. I couldn't remember what friend C said that turned out to be a joke, but certainly the other four of us found it very hilarious and couldn't stop laughing but this was seen as a mocking to her. You can say, she can't take jokes that's targeted to herself. Alright, who doesn't mind people saying you, laughing at you but when all it's a joke and not like some harsh comments. Yes, I get angry when people are saying me but the matter is what's the topic and whether they meant to be a joke or 'shooting you'. I was certain hat it's a joke that we created but it originated from you, and it wasn't 'shooting' but, just a joke, and I am sure the others can feel that it's a joke too. But you, took it as laughing at you and etc. To the extent, some innocent person came and ask questions and you told her to keep quiet, turning her into victim, in that harsh tone. Worse, another person heard it and came and asked me whatever happened. So I burst our laughing, so were the others and you said, 'ni zui hao bu yao xiao=you better don't laugh', yes directed to me which left everybody giving that blank look. What, I can't even laugh now, and I need to have your permission, if you can't interpret that it's a joke, too bad for you and you couldn't laugh along with us. In the end, you told us that, you dislike people saying you? Hello, did you ever say bout` somebody else? We weren't even saying you, gosh. I'm not even half angry bout` it, or perhaps just that moment and you went writing apology publicly, that's the worse things that you should had never done.

I'm so done with all these weird logics and excuses and don't know whatever you're thinking.
I'm not going to care, not going to ask and not going to make any effort.
If you see this, good for you, at least you should know whatever you've done made us angry.
Not like, we're keeping silence meant, that we ain't reacting to it.