Hi, I'm back.

#1448

I look at the past and realize how fast it has been. 

Hello people, I'm back with a new post. Okay, I know I've been missing in actions for weeks..
And, same old same old reason, because I'm too busy with school that got me crazy.
Guess why I've the time to update now?
Because I just submitted my work not long ago and I presented already.
It's kind of like over and now I'm free.

How's life these few weeks? 
Hmm..
Last year at this time, I was really in bad luck.
I remembered myself going to school in cab for three times that week.
Really in bad luck.
Come to think of it, poly students are going to have so much more fun now because the term is ending, there's just a stupid exam to clear and we'll have 6 weeks of break!
Then again, secondary/primary students are going to have their pathetic 1 week holiday.

Alright now, speaking of project... 
I'm not sure what other courses in other schools do, but it seems like design schools are always the worst.
Whenever I walk to MRT from school, I feel that ... one shot you can tell that which student is roughly from what school because of the things that they are carrying. Then I looked at myself, carrying heavy things to school everyday and barely finish anything. Ain't other courses much better? I just feel that design courses are always so stressful, yes other courses are stressful too but I just feel that design is more worse, no offence. I mean, if you look at the environment that design people work in, their tables are always messy flooded with a lot of waste papers and they don't even have the time to eat.

Another thing that I found out is that.. 
People also stays up late to finish their work because they couldn't finish them during the day.
But for design people, there's so such thing as finishing work during the day and do nothing at night. We are constantly working like shit and it worse when the submission is close. The reason for not finishing work is because, there's just too much to be done and there's always room for improvement. However, if you're from other courses, I just feel that if you stay up late and do work the main reason is that you've been playing during the day, no offence.

What I'm trying to say is that, don't tell me you're very stress unless you're in a design course.
And talk like design students are not stressful at all.
Bullshit.
Why am I typing this? Don't know. 

******
Couldn't remember what I've done on everyday when I'm "missing".
So, today.... It's presentation day and I was the second to go.
Honestly speaking, I feel that I've improved a lot when I'm presenting. I can just feel that I'm very confident in whatever I say. And I always broke down at the end of presentation when there's Q&A. It's always a nightmare. Remember me saying that I cried over presentation when I was year1? Yes, I cried again, earlier today.

Why was I crying? 
First, I don't know. I just feel that those lecturers are targeting me.
Second, I don't know what the fuck they are talking about.
Third, one of them misunderstand my drawing.
Fourth, I said she misunderstand but still continued to insist on that misunderstanding.
I always have .. something with Malay lecturers. It's always them that make me cry.
It's the same last year and now it happens again.

What's the feeling of crying in front of class?
There's no need to feel embarrassed and they know that I'm a water tap.
The whole class knows it.

After effects of crying? Moral of story?
Go to toilet and cry more while my friends were waiting outside for me.
Moral of story, crying makes the lecturers stop everything that they wanted to say.

Reactions of classmates seeing me crying?
Literally shocked.
I mean, you'll be shocked when someone cries right?
And there I go, I grabbed everyone's attention better than anyone else.

Whatever I wanna say to my friends/classmates?
Hmm..
I always say that, in Poly you can never find "true friends" because there are full of betrayers and so on. But now I'm wrong, I've a bunch of good friends that cared for me sincerely. How do I know? They don't need to say anything, and they will just do everything I'm stuck with for me even though they are busy or what. They will just pause whatever they were doing and come to me. They will just leave me alone until I cry finish, and will never talk about that issue again even though it has passed quite long or whatever.

Even those that I'm not close with, I know they cared or somehow... because afraid people crying..
I heard that, the stupid SPY that we used to hate actually asked the lecturers to stop saying things and just end proceed to the next person. That was being very kind even though we were like... don't like each other.

Today, it suddenly hit me that, if you're powerless you're nothing.
3 lecturers today. 1 lecturer, Chris who doted me the most wasn't here.
But  Ricky who dotes on me not that much compared the one that's absent, was there
Because I've been crying, and I couldn't stop.
He's like "oh my god", giving that worry face. 
At that instance, I just know that he's in no position to say anything for me. 
I kind of like wanted him to say something. 
Because whatever I designed were actually all his ideas. Shouldn't he say anything?
But he's just too powerless to say anything. In the end, he's just nothing. 
There I went, continued to be drilled by the Malay lecturer(grandma).
I don't understand whatever she's saying neither does she.
There's still one more lecturer left, Sokna (the one with the same surname as me).
I wanted to thank her for not saying anything when I started crying.
Then again, I just feel that she's also powerless.
Because she's a student of that grandma during her time.
Then.. I don't know how the grandma decided to stop and let me off. -.-

Lastly, you know what?
My friend actually kind of like "quarrel" with the lecturers.
The story goes...
Sokna: Have you considered the lighting during night time and, if yes where will you put?
So I said I wanted to put near the floor, basically at the bottom.
Sokna: It will be too hot for the people sitting there because there is heat from the lighting, maybe you can consider other places?
My friend wanted me to say put at the top, but I don't want to say.
So another friend of mine, from China she said...
"When we went to the Gardens by the Bay, they have lightings under the sitting places also. so why we cannot put lighting there?"
I was literally standing there watching them exchanging bullets and don't know what to do.
I would prefer her not to say anything because... you never know what will happen next.
Then again, I appreciated her help to help me. Thank you.

Alright, I don't want to talk bout` presentation anymore.
Somehow, I believe...
Base on last year, because I cried during the first semester, my second semester was better.
And I eventually got straight As in second semester for two times.
So I believe I will do well in this year's second semester.

******
Yea, so school is going to be over and I'll be heading to Korea in a month's time.
I think I need to solve my luggage issue soon.
Seem like my current one is not enough for me.
Something to look forward during this holiday.
Hi Korea!